I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
