I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
