planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
