you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she smelled like a LAN party
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
