handjob tips. give me some.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
