I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
