it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
