it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
