i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
