I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
