If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
