I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do vagina's smell?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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