god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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