I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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