So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
