I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
