Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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