why didn't you poke me back
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
