If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
