i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to be your penis for a week.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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