Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
