update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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