There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
