You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Houston, we have a squirter
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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