I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
