Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
