So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize