Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
