I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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