Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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