Michael Bay diarrhea
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
