I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
