It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
