You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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