sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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