My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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