Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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