dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
