You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is my gift to your gina
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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