trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
