do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
