There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
