I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
