would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize