dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
