get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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