A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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