four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
