I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
