This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
