I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
