Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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