Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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