Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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