I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
