apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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