Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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