i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
