that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
