SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
