Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
the raccoons are back...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
