cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
