please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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