Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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