Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
