i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
