My brain says no but my pants say off.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize