Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
