Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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